I am the happiest man in the world

May 24^th, 2015,

Holy Trinity Orthodox Seminary, Jordanville, NY

The end of one achievement in my life!

On the occasion of my Graduation

     Well, my dears, with a great joy and excitement, after studying five years of Seminary, I graduated and received Bachelor of Theology Diploma. Indeed I still can not believe that I had the diploma in to hands. You have no idea how happy I am, but at the same time sad for leaving this place.

    When an individual enters a strange culture, or a foreign country, he feels like a fish out of water. So was I. I was a stranger in a foreign land with foreign people, but we had something in common. It was God, the Church, the faith. I was the one of a few, if I am not mistaken in the history of this Seminary, who came here without speaking English. When I was first year, barely speaking English, I said to myself: will I ever make it to fifth year? I think I did, didn't I?

My life taught me to fight bravely and not to afraid of the uncertainty. Consequently, this is how I got on the plane from Skopje, flew to NYC and then came to Jordanville. While I was on the bus to Syracuse, where Fr. Branko met me and then brought me to Jordanville, an indescribable feelings passed my body.

     Honestly, I still do not know how I survived the first year. When I was at the American Embassy in Skopje on interview for visa, at first I was rejected with an explanation that I do not speak English. Let me go a little bit back in my past and tell you something else. I had been studying English in high school Seminary, but it just did not work for me, and once I said to myself: “Stojan, you are silly for English. You will never learn how to speak English.” I accepted these thoughts as a reality and lived with. But God provides for all of us. I have never hoped, neither planed that one day I will come and in the United States, studying in a school where everything is in English. Wondrous are the ways of God! This is my beginning here, or as I prefer to call, my adolescent, from one step of my life into another.

     I like to rejoice, smile, and sometimes teasing my fellows. What the life would be without smile and gratitudes. In my life, I like to travel, to see new places and meet new people. Especially the second one: serving to God and being with people is something that makes me happy. I think it is really important to have a gift of making true and faithful friends, to have a charm in conversation. I grew up in orphanage and I think as a result of it, I became extravert. I am so thankful to God for that opportunity.

     When I came here, I have not expected to flow milk and honey. I was aware that I will have to encounter with temptations. Now I recall my first contact with my confessor and abbot, Fr. Luke. One day, at the end of August, 2010 I was coming back from the cemetery and Fr. Luke passed with his car. He stopped on the road, gave me an apple and pear and smiled to me. He probably knew I did not speak English, so there was not need to talk much. I am not going to seek for any interpretation of this action. His fatherly gesture stayed in my heart up until this moment. On our first students's meeting with him, he told us from all temptations, we must be sober the most from one: that is the devil of whispering. I have kept his words in my mind and as years have passed by, it showed that indeed there were so many temptations of whispering.

     This Seminary definitely differs very much from others because it is within the monastery and we live kind of monastic life. Not everyone could adjust on such life. It's difficult, but blessed. I loved it. Before I came here, I had a bit of fear into myself, but knowing the fact that I am going to be in a monastery, encouraged me. I knew that if I have temptations, I can always go to the church, cry, beseeching God to help me and I can talk to the Abba for advices.

    In this Seminary and Monastery I've learned a lot. I've learned what is monastery life. I've learned to humble myself. I've also learned to ask for forgiveness, at least a bit because before I came here, I was worse. When parents scold their child, he\she usually gets mad at them, without realizing that they do that out of love. So was I in the first years of my being here. When I was scolded, I used to get mad, but as I was growing through the years, I started realizing that they did that out of love. I reacted in such way because I was prideful, selfish, egoistic... And you know what? From now on, I still will be prideful, selfish, egoistic, but at least by leaving and struggling in this seminary and monastery, I've learned how to fight against these passions. Here, in this Seminary, I was not only studying, but I was spiritually growing up under the spiritual guidance of Fr. Luke, I humbled myself. Many times when he would see me, instead of asking me “how are you doing,” he would say “как спасаешсја?” - how do you struggle? That was very sweet to hear it.

    Now I want to say something while I was studying. Something that I really didn't like at the beginning of my studies was writing papers. I've never done such thing before, plus the biggest reason why I didn't like was because of the rules. American style of writing has many rules, but once you get in, you have to finish the game, right? You better keep moving than giving up. However, I wasn't left on my own. This Seminary has a good professors who would spend time with you, and help you out. One of those was Fr. Andrei. I even used to go to his house to study with him and get help for my paper. Can you imagine going to your professor's house? That's a real care!

     There are a few things that would forever characterize this school for me:

-the practical things that I've learned here such as: liturgics by being involved in the church services.

-the obediences that I worked which helped me to build up friendship with the monks and understand what monastic life is.

-the frequent confessions which helped me to grow spiritually.

-Fr. Gregory's pastorals classes, where he would tell us real examples of his life experiences as a priest. I'll really miss his classes, just as Fr. Luke's.

      When I was working on my thesis, one of the fathers told me the following:

Take what you are given now, feed on what you have. Will you be able to come back here? What you receive here, who knows if you will receive it in other places?

I see this place, and yes, it’s not the same as it was—those people were real ascetics, men of prayer and work—we have that now also, I feel the grace, I receive it at liturgy. It is here. It even grabs me sometimes.

But we must live with God, only trust in Him. I believe he takes care of everything. There are hardship, but only with Him everything is taken care of . Don’t lose heart. What the Lord suffered! And He was God! He didn’t give up. He didn’t destroy them all with water or fire! So be strong! It makes you strong, all this work. Let God give this to you. Without God, don’t even leave the House.

     My Archbishop was not with me at my graduation, since he leaves on the other side on the earth, but I feel obligated to mention him for his spiritual and material support in these five years. Before I came here, on our farewell, he told me the following: “Stojan, the theology is something that you will continue learning to the rest of your life. In Jordanville, pay more attention on learning the languages because they will need you later in your life.” Well, dear Vladyka, by your prayers, I came without speaking English and Russian and today I am even able to write and speak English sufficiently.

I would like to thank the professors that I had here who have always pushed me outside of comfort zone and were willing to answer questions that I didn't know. Therefore, dear professors of HTOS, I am immensely thankful for the knowledge that you gave me at your classes. I probably have been rude to some of you in particular situations, and stubborn, so please forgive me for that!

There is another person that deserves special appreciation. It is our Dean of students, Fr. Cyprian. He has been 24/7 with us. Every time when I was sick or needed something, I would knock on his door and get treatment. When I was first year, I used to get upset on him for various things, but after a few years, I saw how much Fr. Cyprian cares about me and other seminarians. He loves us and cares about us.

     The biggest gratitude of mine in HTOS is to Fr. Luke. As I already have aforementioned, to me he was more than Rector. He was my confessor and spiritual father who gave me so many advices for my life. There were periods when I really had heavy temptations and in many situations I thought that I am done. Being in such situations, when I went to confession to Fr. Luke, he told me the following: “ Whenever the evil one attacks you, come to me immediately. Do not wait!” Moreover, his patrology classes are awesome. You can see him speaking about the Holy Fathers with love. Honestly, I didn't really study from the book that was on the syllabus. On every single class I was taking notes from his lectures and for me it was sufficient to learn and get a sense of every Father that we covered.

     Dear Fr. Luke, I know that you don't like praising you, but actually it is not praising, but a obligation of mine to say these things. Otherwise, I'll feel guilty if I did not mention it. My heart told me to do so. In these past five years you've done so much for me. Indeed I will miss you a lot. Please continue praying for me!

    My family were not present at my graduation, but you all my friends, spiritual mothers, fathers, brothers, sister, you, dear Tuu-Tuu, who came, are my family. You all will be always in my heart.

After my graduation and my return to Macedonia, my grandfather promised me that he will make a barbecue for me and celebrate, but that's not going to happen because he passed away a few months before today's day. I am sure today he rejoices with me on receiving this Bachelor of Theology Diploma.

     After this ceremony, many of you would come to me and congratulate me which is totally okay, but for me, this is just the beginning of a new step of my life. This day is a joy for me and for my fellow graduate seminarians. Therefore, rejoice with us!

It is always nice to include some quotes from the Bible as I just graduated from this Orthodox Seminary. This is the reading from the good book, the Gospel and is one of my favorite quotes: “In Him was life, and the life was the light of men” Wow, mean Deep staff, deep staff!

Indeed I am the happiest man in the world because I have God. I have the One Who “in the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God and the Word was God.”

               Glory be to God for everything!

Graduate Stojanche Andov