I stumble until I die

Instead of asking: “Why did this happen,”

ask instead: “Was the wisest choice chosen?”

My soul, where are you? Where is your heart? What do you love? Why don’t you make your life become a clash of loves, instead of sins? Open to me the doors of repentance, O Life-giver...purify me by the loving-kindness of Your mercy.

At the end of the day, we go to bed by ourselves. When we die, we die by ourselves. We are left on God’s mercy. When we appear to the Lord at the Last Judgement, we appear and give account for ourselves and our own iniquities.
If an enjoyment with somebody else makes us temporarily happy, a happiness that lasts some time and could destroy our souls, then why do we say "yes," to those stupid decisions and we give ourselves into them? Once we know that if we put our hands into the fire, then it will burn us, then why we still continue on playing with the fire?

I tend to blame others without realizing it that I am the cause. How blind I’m becoming that my sins are blinding my eyes, closing my doors to drag me away from God. The estrangement from that spiritual reality hurts.
Truly, every day I have the opportunity to change myself, to see where I have fallen yesterday so I don’t today.  If I am going to continue to walk forward depends only on me. It starts from the mind by saying to myself “it is time!? God requires virtue from me, not dirt.

I was referring to "us," as we all are human beings, but specifically, I was talking to myself "why do you wanna burn yourself?" I know one thing: I’m playing with fire. God keeps preventing me from burning myself and I still tell Him to leave me alone. Woe is me!

The moment of death is not terrifying, but the moment when I will have to appear and stand in front of God will be for there my sins are going to be revealed.

 I am convinced that sorrow (my stumbling, my falls) gives birth to joy!

          Have mercy on me, O God, according to Your great mercy!