If I only knew how much You love me…

For everything that I have received as a gift from You, to You I surrender, for through You I came to myself in my spirit and in the gentle breeze I felt You. Nature talks about You; how wise You have created everything. Man, to whom You have given spirit, testifies even more.

I know I make you sad many times. I disown You. I betray You, crucify You, spit on You. Do not turn away Your face from me because I need You even though I am not often aware of that. If You leave me, I shall parish. What would I be without You – like a flower in the field which today is here, and tomorrow is gone, blown by the wind and even his spot cannot be traced anymore.

We are all Yours and I am Yours. Even if I run from You, I will still come back to You and call upon Your Holly Name. Man is here today and tomorrow he is gone. You are always here to help me, and embrace me in Your arms. And so while in Your arms, I will feel Your love, for You are LOVE.

Many times I was rejected by my close-ones, but I was simply protesting and complaining and was not able to understand that You are by my side to comfort me. I still have not learned to lean on Your right hand which You are offering to me. O, if I would only start putting my entire hope in You! Even if mighty rivers come in, or storms of temptations, I will not be afraid nor will my house fall apart. I want to incline my heart towards You and remember that everything comes from You: sun and rain, joy and sorrow, temptations. Everything! I was one of the hundred sheep that was lost, and You rushed to bring me back with the ninety nine.

By Your grace I am what I am. You love me as I am, even though I caused You sorrow with my sins. The animals know how to love greatly. They do not know how to hate, do not have a soul, and yet they love. How far I am from them, who, even though I have a soul, I do not know how to love.

I am constantly reminded of the verses written by Your Evangelist John, “Now this is eternal life: that they know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom You have sent.” But I am also wondering if I have come to know you in my heart. If I say YES, I will be lying to You for I have not learned to love my brothers yet. If I say NO, I will lie to You again, for I have come to know You even from my mother’s womb when You have given me spirit and thus growing in my mother’s womb I came to this world.

My time is too short to hate, and so long to love. If I would only realize how much You love me, I would leave everything and follow You!

 I think today I asked a lot from You. What I told You today, I want to be able to start practicing even a bit, so that I can move to the second step of the Ladder!